MY POV

…on being for real

 

     One Friday night after my friend and I had finished bowling, we went to a restaurant next to the bowling alley—me in shorts and a blouse tied loosely in front, which she referred to as my Daisy Mae look, and her in matching designer slacks and shirt. We sat at a small table between a trio of well-dressed, attractive men to the left and two scruffy men at a table to our right. One of the scruffy men tried to make eye contact, but the trio ignored us as they were deeply involved in an intense conversation about attributes they wanted in a mate.

     Finally, the handsomest of the trio said he’d rather have a homely gal that he could count on to stay in his life and be faithful rather than someone beautiful he’d need to worry about being drawn to other men. I thought: WRONG. Plain does not equate with fidelity, nor does beautiful equate with cheating. But more about that at another time.

     The scruffiest man at the table to our right seemed frustrated at trying to catch our eye. He obviously couldn’t read the room, because we were trying to ignore him. Finally, he stood and sauntered to our table. Wearing a lopsided what-the-hell grin, he said, “Hey, Beautiful.” I couldn’t tell who he was speaking to, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t control my irritation at him for coming to the table in his scruffy state. I didn’t smile. I said, “How dare you come over here trying to make a play. Your hair is uncombed, you’ve got dirt under your fingernails, and your clothes are wrinkled.” He stepped back, looking apologetic and like I’d hit him in the forehead with a hammer. Then, he turned and stumbled back to his table. My friend said nothing. Mama wouldn’t have approved of what I did. It wasn’t the polite accepting behavior she’d taught me. But, in that moment, I didn’t feel like going along with something I disliked, as I had in the past. In that moment, I reacted to my gut and crossed the line from superficial politeness to my authentic reaction. And I felt okay in doing so.

     The previous example is one of many incidents in my life when I dealt with my gut reaction in addressing a situation. I found that dealing authentically means being true to myself, whether at home or work. Doing so has made me a happy camper. As you can tell by my bio, I’ve had a lot of job experience, and my novels and self-help books reveal some of the depth of what I’ve learned on a personal and professional level. I’ve been fortunate in my national travels to gain knowledge from personal, casual, and business interactions. I’ve learned mountains and valleys of information and wisdom, some of which I’ve shared in my books and will share in this blog. I typically focus on women because that’s who I know best. Plus, I’ve found that men have a different approach to life, having to consider the testosterone factor and all that.

      For me, living authentically means trusting my gut, do-no-harm instincts, and using my God-given talents to stay on the right path in a personal relationship and on a job to achieve success, even if Mama, Aunt Sally, and Grandma would disapprove of my actions. 

     The Scruffy example brings another situation to mind. Early in my career, I supervised an administrative staff for a group of professionals. A woman from that group appeared to have the hots for her male assistant, who was not interested. After he failed to respond to her overtures, which occurred over many weeks, she got upset and told my boss she wanted the guy fired for incompetence, which would have been my responsibility. I needed money, and my job, like anyone else, but I refused to fire the guy based on her false accusation. I never knew what my boss told the professional, but she backed down. All I knew was that I kept my job without doing something I believed was dishonest. Whenever I’ve been honest and followed my positive gut instinct, I’ve moved forward without fear to accomplish more than I anticipated.

      For instance, a few weeks after the encounter with Scruffy, my friend and I saw him at the same restaurant. He looked great—nice haircut, clean nails, and attractive clothes. He came to the table and thanked me for my earlier comments. He said I was a ‘for real’ person and he was glad we met. He gave me his card and suggested we might have coffee sometime, which was nice. Situations with other people won’t always end so pleasantly, especially if the other person would rather hear or live a lie. Nevertheless, I have often been fortunate to see a good result in my personal life and career after interacting honestly in a situation, even though it might have been difficult. That’s the goal I shoot for, and I hope you’re inspired to do the same.